Mental Capacity [o]

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Can you hear it, can you breathe?
REECE

Reece knew he was lost, or rather, that he knew exactly where he was going but he continued toward the mountain with a calm assurance. It had been rumored that another wolf had moved in and installed himself, but it was no matter. Ten thousand wolves could make themselves the emperor of the mountain, and there would only be one that had ever lashed out at him. Had broken his family down into pieces of nothing, and his mouth twisted lightly, the disgust was so evident on his features.

Abandoning his pack was not something he had done on purpose. Somehow he had just turned invisible and ghosted away in the snow. Quite an accomplishment for someone who was mottled with shot yellow eyes; he looked like someone who was going to hide better in an autumn fall - not the midwinter. Now spring was washing the valley and new wolves were coming out of their little hide-y holes.

He stopped on the pathway, shocked that the realization smashed into him. He knew where he was going, but why was he going there? He had broken the habit so long ago, and the male swayed. Almost like he was drunk. Almost like he was going to collapse - which the male did, smacking into the ground as the memories smashed into him. The roar broke the air, one of hopeless agony, as the male curved into himself and continued to cry out. The pain was instant, it was brutal, but it was almost like his mind disconnected as he rolled into the seizure.

You'll die this way. The reminder was not something he wanted to embrace, not while his body convulsed and his tongue was sliced by his own teeth. The spasms were hopeless, and he could not quite make his mind go in the direction that it needed. There was no choice but to ride the seizure, secretly hoping this one would follow by another, and another, until his heart and brain turned off.

Five minutes later, head smacked the ground and eyes never opened. There was something to be said about that, and he swallowed hard, disappointed in the fact that he was not dead. It was a pity.

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Now that spring had embraced the lands, Zaphira thought she'd trek northwards. She'd not visited the moutains often - there was too much dark energy up there. But once a year she would make the trip. She would bundle together some pretty flowers and find a twig if rowan to place at the heart of all the torment and vileness that slithered down from the north.

Zarek. The name that had kept hundreds of wolves living in fear for their lives and the wolf who had wrecked many a family. Her pack had escaped his tyranny unscathed. As much as some of the younger wolves had complained about the stupid witchcraft, the pack still listened to the healer and spirit-talkers. In contact with the otherwold and aware of the shifting energies, they had always been a step ahead of the monster - keeping out if his way and trying to save those they could in the process.

She was moving up the slopes with her offerings held firmly in her jaws when a drawn-out shriek cut through the air and curdled her blood. She shot off towards the sound of the cries, twig and flowers dropping forgotten to the floor. She dodged the trees that suddenly seemed to fill her vision, skidding to a stop at the fallen body of a twitching male.

"Hush, dear. Relax. I'm with you. Breathe. Just breathe" she mumured, stepping over him and gently running her tongue over his brow. He had deep lines on his face, lines of pain and anxiety...and her heart went out to him. When he finally fell still, she took a step away, crouching before him so they were on eye level. "Are you alright?"

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Can you hear it, can you breathe?
REECE

Deadened body knew that there would be no hasty escape route. Although he felt the tongue on his brow, there was never any real connection that someone was there with him. There was a reason the wolf had wanted to live alone, unable to trust a pack situation. When the seizures hit he was vulnerable, beyond, and there was never a solution that could be reached. It was like the end of the world was coming to him, just waiting to scoop him up and ear him alive.

When he finally was there on the ground, he found himself exhaling softly with frustration. There was no death at the end of the road, and he found his yellow gaze twisting, double shown in his features as he forced himself to swallow. Somehow he could find a way to speak up about his condition about the state of his mind. His body was still limp, still dead beyond that could be denied.

Was he okay? It was a question that he was not quite sure he could speak up. His tail swished once and he found himself exhaling sharply. "I..." Was he okay? "I'm not dead." There was the faintest hint of disappointment in the words, but he was not sure what else he could do. His head cocked to the side and he found himself looking at the multipatched female that had appeared.

"Thank you kindly for watchin' over me ma'am." His words were rough, unsure of himself as his head lifted with a fair bit of effort. None of his other limbs so much as twitched, and the only sign of life was a rising and falling chest.

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The sounds bursting through the poor male's maw were terrifying and heart-breaking. The amount of agony he was in was simply devastating. Her heart went out to the wolf twitching and writing beneath her. She filled his scent in her nose, gathering all the love she could muster and wrapping it around his tortured soul as best she could. It was fractured, dull and filled with shadows rather than the incandescent brightness of her own. Oh, he had certainly seen his fair share of demons, and it looked like he hadn't been able to shake them off.

It took a long time for his erratic motions to subside, yellow eyes surfacing from his worn features. She frowned as he spoke. Why were all the males she encountered lately looking for death? Were they really so weak of mind and heart that they quailed at the first obstacle that life set in their paths? What happened to the stoutness of heart and bull-headed determination that she had grown up with? So what if life grew difficult - that was all the more reason to take things in your stride and move on. Not doing so was a complete waste of energy, and not at all what the Mother of All had planned. 

"No, you are very much part of the realm of living she answered him, a faint note of disapproval lacing her tones. To wish for death at such a young age was simply madness. She stepped back a little, giving him space to breath and regain his bearings. He really didn't look in particularly good shape...for all that spring had been about long enough for him to find himself a decent meal. We wasn't starved thin, precisely. He looked in good enough shape, really...but there was a definite lack of lustre to that mixed pelt of his. It hung from his frame, dull and dreary and utterly lifeless.

She was drawn from her musings at his gruff words, blue gaze resting softly upon his features. Why on earth was he thanking her for something as basic as watching over him? He really can't have had much good experience in his life! "It is nothing to thank me for, dear" she told him gently, settling more comfortably on the ground before him. "I am Zaphira. It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance."

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Can you hear it, can you breathe?
REECE

Reece knew he was in a state of mind where he was not about to get away from the emotions that he was feeling. His breath was slowly coming back to a normal state, and his head dropped back to the ground after he had spoken to the female. She seemed honest intentioned enough, wanting to know his current being and know where he was going with it. Still, he could not feel the tidal waves returning to crash into him, so the danger had passed. Over the years, he had come to learn the reemergence warning signs.

The female, Zaphira, seemed to have a bit of an issue with his depressive state of words. He simply swallowed down the urge to snap his jaws at her for the disapproval, but he managed to be a gentleman. In the end, that was the goal that should have been counted on. His shoulders were tight against his body as he found himself swallowing deeply. All right, manners; manners were the way he needed to work; “Reece.”

“The pleasure’s mine… I think.” His half smile was s truffle that could not be denied. There was a feeling that rolled down through his spine, and he bit his lip on the issue. “I-I’m not used to having those around when I first come out—“ His grumbling was beginning to sound a bit more like muttering. Almost like he had lost his train of thought but the words had finished making the thought on the matter. Somehow he twisted his yellow eyes to meet her.

Why was she here? What was the point of this coming to be at the forefront? His shoulders shook lightly and he found himself wanting to swallow the emotions that were billowing through his body, threatening him to want to growl at her. Somehow, he found himself studying her again. “I apologize… I won’t be the best company…”

The words were honest enough, but he seemed a bit tickled with his response. It was a state where he could not explain things, and his head simply shook. It was not the solution he wanted to hear. He should have been able to bounce back, recover.

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He was completely out of sorts. Even as he tried to pull himself together and get a few sensible words out into the open, she could taste his turmoil. There was so much sorrow, so much negativity oozing from his pores that it made her want to be sick...and at the same time, wrap herself around him to chase the dark away. A name managed to pass through his lips, lying heavily on the air like an condemnation. She frowned slightly, not quite sure how to deal with someone this...damaged. Wolf was peculiar in his own way, but he hadn't made the same journey's Reece had. Wolf's soul was still untarnished.

"Hush" she chided him gently. "You don't need to apologise for matter beyond your control." Well, he could learn to control them to a certain extent. His seizures were no doubt as result of all the dark energy he had never cleansed from his heart. But that was likely going to be a long process. His aura was far older than for one of his age...much pain and grief must have aged him like that. 

He spoke again, as courteous as any she had ever happened upon. "If I had wanted good company, I wouldn't have followed your cries" she informed him tartly. If he was well enough to speak, then he was well enough to deal with the sharpness of her nature. She had never been one for molly-coddling. If there was a problem, then she was more than willing to do her part in fixing it. But sitting in a woebegone circle lamenting the cruelty of fate? Not a chance. 

She settled herself more comfortably upon the ground, blue eyes resting relentlessly on the male. "Instead, we are going to go about getting you back on track, and wiping some of the grime from your soul." She spoke matter-of-factly, not at all worried that he might think her crazy. What others thought of her was completely and utterly irrelevant. She had the love of the Mother Goddess surrounding her - mere words could never hurt her.

"For that, I think it is best if you start at the very beginning. Which event first catalysed this hatred? The burning need for something that lies forever outside your grasp?" Her voice was soft, but her tone brooked no argument. He needed to work through the mess himself - all she could do was act as a catalyst and shed light on the pathways that looks so dark and gloomy.

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Can you hear it, can you breathe?
REECE

While he was not a heartless soul, he was certainly not accustomed to being the one to take control of the conversation. The fact of the matter was that he was burning. All his limbs still felt useless, his brain seemed a bit scattered. None of the things seemed to matter, there was just some part of him that decided perhaps he should have listened appropriately. His tail swished against the ground as he found himself being lectured nastily.

His shoulders were tight and he found himself wanting to snort. What kind of things were being wiped off his soul? The fact that he was never going to change was not going to be magically healed by the arrogant little chit that had come to do so. His head was shaking absently, and he found himself anting to growl at the fact that she thought she had any right for control on the situation. For now, it seemed, he would have to be patient.

"Would the bloody murder of my sister and parents in front of my eyes do?" His words were smooth, just as biting as her could be. This time around he was not going to let himself be so easily pushed around, so his head inclined. His tail swished absently, and he found himself wanting to down the darling little female. Just to make her understand that such was not a pretty conversation.

When his head cocked to the side, he shrugged. "Perhaps my early age obsession with bones." His voice continued thoughtfully, and his eyes narrowed as he studied her. "The murder of two females I had taken into my care. One by myself in a fit because she tried to stop my seizure, and the poor little thing slipped off a cliff and was broken into six pieces at the bottom of a canyon."

Challenging eyes turned to her, head tipping to the side as the hint of a grin appeared on his face. The dare was in his words, quite confident in his feelings.

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He was a cranky little thing, her patient, Zaphira mused privately. Well, he wasn't little, but he was quite definitely cranky. She supposed she could understand his position. A complete stranger had come upon him in a moment of weakness - and like most males she had come across, this was probably a blow to the pride. Personally, she'd be rather glad if someone found her in such a predicament. Troubles were always breached so much more easily with some help at hand.

At his cutting words, she huffed softly to herself. Did he really think that she was going to let him push her around just because he didn't want to see the truth? Sapphire eyes twinkled with a moment of disdain at the very notion that he could drive her into leaving his sorry self to waste away in darkness and nightmares. "That is probably as good a beginning as beginnings go" she informed him calmly. She raised her front end into the air, sitting up and staring down at the male studiously as he offered her more information. Well, now they were getting somewhere indeed, even if that defiant tilt of his jaw emphasised that he was trying to shock her more than work through his inner turmoil. And it was shocking. Death committed unto his kin, death committed by himself unto others. No wonder he had a whole horde of demons to plague his conscience.

"Well, it hardly surprises me that you suffer from seizures" she replied after only the briefest of pauses. "There is only so much darkness the mind can take before it sucuumbs to madness." She lowered her muzzle, her gaze boring into his as she tried to read beneath the surface of his gestures. "The one thing you are desperate to avoid is madness, isn't it? That complete loss of control, the abandonment of reason." Her voice had grown steadily louder and she paused for a moment to draw in a steadying breath. She needed to stay calm and focused here. "As long as your mind resists the maelstrom of darkness that has invaded your heart, you will never be able to walk free from nightmares and seizures." 

She pulled herself away, getting to her paws and pacing slowly back and forth as she weighed her options. It depended very much on what he wanted to do. She could offer him some herbs to loosen the mind. Taken regularly enough, it would form a hazy barrier between the mind and the heart; shielding his conscience from the detrimental effects of the evil that had grown on his despair. But those herbs would steal his lucidity; would drive him to actions that he might not do otherwise - for good or for worse. There was no way of telling how he would react to the herb. 

Alternatively, she could take him on a spirit journey. Try and get him to see the damage done to his heart, how his thirst for vengeance was corrupting his spirit. Perhaps then she could convince him to spit out the poisonous thoughts of vengeance and retaliation, bitterness and deepest grief. She halted her motions, swinging around rather sharply to face the male. "How do you wish to proceed, Reece?" her voice was quiet, rich with the depth of her thoughts. "Should I leave you to your sorrows? Shall I accompany you on the road to redemption? Or shall I give you a means of reducing the impact your demons have, even though I find that highly inadvisable for long-term use?"